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Where I've Been

There are days when I look and everything around me seems so fragile.  The dried veins of fallen leaves browning, crackling under my feet.  Everything changing rapidly and not for the easier.  This is the season, it seems, of white knuckling and holding on tight and praying please please please let me get through this one alright.  With any shred of grace, dear Universe, please and thank you please and thank you please and thank you.

Work is consuming in a way that is as predictable as the calendar, and yet here I am wondering how I will make it through and if past success is any guarantee of future performance.  Some of my most sacred relationships seem on the brink of disintegrating like the autumn leaves and I don't know how to stay present to that when running away or lashing out seem more satisfying.  This season of thanksgiving and richness leaves me feeling scared and humbled.

I have been gone from here partly because time has been scarce and partly because I couldn't think of anything nice, or at least well-put, to say.  This is a loss for me, this space sitting dormant, and more broadly the connections I share here and the satisfaction of putting words together in a way that pleases me.  I trust the path to my computer and this place will open again and I will find my way back.

In the meantime I give myself one gift, even though it doesn't always feel like one: I'm back to a picture a day.  I promised myself that I wouldn't put pressure to blog it, so you can find it here if you're so inclined.  In this season of scarce light and attention I try not to get hung up on the questions that plague me, like what do I shoot? and is that good enough? and can't you think of anything besides Ezra to take a picture of?  I hope that when this time of scarcity and transition passes I'll have more space to address these questions.  In the meantime, I shoot, and not always artfully.  But I know that owning this practice will ultimately help me move through this hard part.  If there is to be a shred of grace on the other side of this, I know the practice is what will help me maintain contact.

Reader Comments (3)

Corinna, your writing is beautiful. Your photography is beautiful. It was your first 365 blog that inspired me to start (and actually stick with) such a project and as I now enter my last few days of the year, I thought it important that I thank you for that inspiration. Even with this post, you inspire me to carry on, as I too have the same feelings before I press "post," of "really, another picture of her kids?" I laughed about that, so thank you for that, too. Glad you are doing another 365, I think it will be good for what ails you. Remember, just putting yourself out there is most of the battle; the rest of the beauty is in the eye of the beholder so to speak. Thank you once again for the eye candy, the inspiration, and the beautiful words.

December 13, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy Day

Great to see you back here..and - yes - it's the practice of just 'doing'..just 'shooting'..just 'photographing' - that so often gets us thru these days when there is a scarcity of inspiration and light.

December 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarcie

Always a thoughtful pleasure to hear (and see) from you Corinna. If the posts and pictures come less frequently, so be it. We'll be here mouths agape waiting to be nurtured. Take heart and take care. ~C

December 17, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChristopher

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