My job shut down for the week between Christmas and New Years and we had the unusual circumstance of no family around, so I had the gift of quiet space this holiday. I had to acknowledge to myself during this time just how disconnected I've been from my camera lately. I have felt and known this for some time, but it was really the first time I have allowed myself to say it out loud.
My camera weighs five hundred pounds.
I can barely lift it.
This makes me feel panicky.
What happens if I don't shoot? What if I can never pick it up again? What if I forget how to shoot? What if I forget how to see?
I considered committing myself to another 365 project just so I have to shoot, but then I thought of the long list of other photography-related projects I have half-conceived. I realized that a 365, with its comfortable rhythms, might just be a distraction from pushing through the fear I have about starting some new and different things.
I went outside a lot. I breathed in the cold air. I stretched, warmed up my muscles and picked up the heavy camera, determined to make a few images. I did some things I am comfortable doing, and I tried some things I have never done before.
It is the new year, and I am a beginner again.