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Entries in self portrait (20)


Three. Six. Five. Oh. Em. Gee.

365.365(!) 50mm f2 1/80 ISO 200So here's a little secret: today is my 38th birthday.  Not entirely coincidentally, this is the 365th picture of my 365 project.


Sorry.  I just had to get that out of my system.

So today I want to add to the list of things I'm thankful for, the lovely community of visitors that stops by here to keep me accountable, and encourage me, and walk me through the rough patches.  I think it's safe to say I wouldn't have done it without you.  Thank you.

Some of you have wondered aloud what will happen after 365.  Changes are coming.  I have an inkling of what they'll look like, but mostly we're just going to watch this thing evolve together.  I'll be here.  Hope you will too.

In the meantime, I'm going to eat some cake.


Happy Feet

363.365 50mm f2.8 1/100 ISO 200Just a little after-school fun with tripod and remote shutter release.

(Or proof that I can get Ezra to do almost anything, if it involves a remote control with a button he can push.)



343.365 20mm f4 1/125 ISO 200Here's the thing.  I have forgotten how to like being in front of the camera over the years.  This is normal, right?  To have a hard time forgiving yourself the sin of aging?  Or bulging?  Or only ever wearing flat shoes and chapstick anymore?

So maybe it was because I dusted off these heels.  More likely it was because I'm flooded with ideas these last few days and I found myself on my drive home from work overwhelmed with an incredible feeling of optimism.  Since there is no less likely place on earth to be overwhelmed with optimism than one's rush hour commute, maybe it means I am onto something.

Whatever the case, I wanted only to document the moment, that rarest of gifts where my sins are absolved in a purifying bath of enthusiasm and confidence. 

It'll be fleeting, I'm sure.  But I have proof now that it happened.


In My Self-Interest

231.365 50mm f4.5 1/125 ISO 200Shutter Sisters had a prompt yesterday that rattled around in my head until I just had to do it: Today, get out your big camera, your phone or your point and shoot and honor your body... What matters is that you turn your gaze on what is holding you together right now.

I have written here before about not liking to be on the business end of the camera, an experience that grows more intense as I age and wage psychological warfare on myself for it.  I understand logically that it's a deeply dumb thing to do to myself, but it's hard to let it go nonetheless.

But aside from your standard-issue late-thirties female self-loathing, I have a couple of other ideas bouncing around in my head rising up in my defense.  First, a query from Stephanie which might just have the power to change this part of my life: What if I could make my body my best friend?  I think I'm much more tender with my best friends than I am with myself.  Which leads me to that sign in the library last week:  It is in your self-interest to find a way to be very tender.

So that's what I tried to do.  Make an image of myself, steeped in tenderness.  This could be a 365 on its own.


A Break

Yesterday I realized I need a break from the Nikon.  I feel like I've been lugging that thing around for six months (I have) and lately all I can think to shoot is flowers (I'm sure you've noticed) and perhaps the tubes are becoming a bit of a crutch in this 365. 

Lately everyone is talking about iPhoneography and so I decided to break with tradition and give myself permission to just shoot with my phone yesterday and see how it felt.  It was kind of freeing, actually.  I won't subject you to all my mundane noticings here every day, but today, just to shake it up, I will.

Let's call this 208.365.Somehow my Derby day look veered Hunter S. Thomspon.  Now where is my cigarette?  And my mescaline?  And my gun?

Red Snapper in a river of ice, makes me want to stuff it with garlic and olive oil and throw it on the grill.

Mental note: I do NOT need garlic the next time I'm at the grocery store.

And finally, proof (as if it were necessary) that Ezra is a Colorado kid: waxing skis on an 80° day, for Daddy's backcountry ski trip.